Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in lovelyyounggirl's LiveJournal:

Monday, November 24th, 2003
12:03 pm	I stayed home from school today. I didn't plan on it but I've only missed one day of school since the year started (SAY WHAT?!) and I just needed a break. I wanted to go in to school but you know those mornings when you know it's just not happening? Melanie stayed home too. earlier I drove to get her from her house (my gimp best friend on crutches can't really drive) and we've just been laying around all day. we just ordered chinese and we just got done dying her hair. it looks hot if I do say so myself. she had white trash highlights from earlier this year from when Meara and I highlighed it and then she tried going "almost blonde" but that definitely wasn't happening. so I dyed it back to light brown (her natural color) and it's so cute. Something Corporate, Days Away, Rx Bandits and Mae Wednesday night kicked ass. what else do I need to say? Tristan and two of his friends (Brennen and Jason) picked me up. in a group I love being the only girl. I don't know why. the show was at the Roxy and we got there early. I TALKED TO ANDREW MCMAHON and he signed my shirt. he's adorable. I also got to talk to the members of Mae. we had really good seats at the show ... I had the best time singing at the top of my lungs while holding Tristan's hand. uum. except I got my period in the middle of the show. NOT FUN. it was so hard to leave to get to the bathroom and once I finally did there was a LINE. Tristan didn't want me waiting in line alone so he insisted on coming with me. kind of embarassing. okay I didn't have anything on me so I had to use one of those horrid tampon machines. MY TAMPON GOT STUCK. KILL ME? I put two dollars worth of money in before one tampon would come out of the slot. it didn't leak through to my jeans but uum. yeah. I got home so late (12AM) but it was worth it. the show reminded me of Music Midtown minus getting the shit kicked out of me. things are going to be so crazy this weekend. especially tonight. my parents and sister just left for the beach house and all I could do was breathe a sigh of relief. my parents think I'm going to be spending the whole weekend over Melanie's and they think my brother will be at his friend Shawn's (Brynn's little brother) all weekend. we had to say that because if we didn't our parents would've had our aunt/uncle come over to check up on us. who's the boss?! my brother is spending tonight out with his girlfriend. gag me. but at least he won't be here. he knows I'm having a party though. yeah people talk at school. I just hope he doesn't use this as blackmail against me. uum. I'm heating the pool and told people to bring bathing suits for tonight. I don't even know how many people are coming tonight but this is the first Friday night without a football game and a bunch of people have asked and told me they're coming. as long as Tristan's here I don't care. I can't wait to see him. I don't know what the fuck happened all of the sudden but I can't stop thinking about him. you know what? I forgot to add this but last Saturday at his house he left me in his room alone for awhile and I looked through his drawers (shut up he left me alone for a long time okay) and in one of them was the black (fake) flower I wore in my hair for his homecoming. I must have left it somewhere at the after party. and on his bulliten board he had a little picture, he took with his cellphone, of us at the fair. it was so cute. it surprised me. at the show Wednesday night Jason was joking around with me and said "what the fuck have you done to Tristan? I've never seen him like someone so much." and it made me feel so good. aww. OKAY ENOUGH. so this is what the end of November feels like? 75° outside, breezy, all of my windows open? me in soffe shorts and a tank top? I almost wish I went to Hilton Head with my parents. wait no. no no. because this weekend is going to be good. I just need to add that I've developed a pleated miniskirt obsession. yes it's true. in the past three days I have bought a brownish wool one, a white one from Express (my favorite), and a black one from Forever21. I don't know how many girls would wear a white pleated mini skirt while it's red down in mexico but I'm taking my chances because I need to look cute tonight. ALRIGHT BYE. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 17th, 2003
1:36 pm	well yesterday ... we had cheer practice afterschool on a Friday. not only a Friday, but a non-game basketball season Friday. what the fuck? Coach B [my fellow cheernerd friends and I have decided that the B now stands not only for her last name, but also for major "BIA BIA"] made us run laps. yes, laps. five miles. I swear, we all collapsed into a heaving pile afterwards, God YES I am almost ashamed. being that I'm a cross country runner and soccer player. shut up. after that, I went home and took a napppp. I almost forgot about picking Mandy up from Morgan's, but I didn't because I'm just that good bitches. on the way to Morgan's house to pick up my sister I realized how much I want a fucking car. after the whole shoplifting thing at the end of last school year my parents said that I'd have to "earn" their trust back before I could get my license, much less the car I want. BUT I'VE BEEN A GOOD GIRL. even though Melanie says that "good girls are just girls who don't get caught doing bad things." I haven't really gotten into trouble since then really. well ... besides the whole thing with my and Christian's picture's being passed around school, and being suspended because of the fight last Friday with the girl at lunch. but my dad never found out about the photocopied pictures and neither one of my parents cared about the fight since they've always told me to stand up for myself. SO I'M ON THE BALL. last night I went shopping with mom and Mandy and finally found a dress for winter formal. it's gorgeous -- it's ruby red and sparkly, with a v-neck top, spaghetti strap shoulders and an un-even bottom. the back of my dress the shape of an upside down triangle and longer than the front, and a shorter piece wraps around the front so you can see my legs ... from my knees down. it's simple but sounds complicated. I took a few pics with my camera, and my camera made my dress look black even though it's red. FUCK YOU OLYMPUS D-370. it fits perfectly, except I have to get the straps shortened because they're not tight enough on me and I have some major spillage. yes, if I leave them the way they are and I lean over at winter-gala, both of my ta-ta's will be exposed. of course, once the straps are tightened I'll have a little ... cleavage action going on but I guess that's better than having my two friends pop out to say "WUD UP" everytime I bend over. but I found a dress, amen. aaand it was only $70 which is nothing compared to my $350 spring formal dress for last year. yes ... still guilty ;( but now all I need are shoes. I can either wear silver or gold shoes [because either will go] but I can't decide? when we got home from the mall it was late. my parents were going over to my aunt and uncles house [my cousins Maddy and Melissa's parents ... Madelyn is the girl on the right in my "fall" icon] to stay the night, Christian was gone and my brother was at a friend's house so my parents asked me to babysit Mandy. I didn't care though. I mean, I HAD THE HOUSE TO MYSELF. and plus I was getting paid for it. Matt doesn't work on Friday nights so I called and asked him if he wanted to stay the night with me. so he came and slept over :) oh and guess what. I got another duck!@ Matt works at a petstore [stfu I think it's sexy] where they adopt animals, breed them and sell them so some guy had walked in yesterday afternoon with a box full of baby black and yellow ducks, trying to get rid of them. but since they don't sell ducks there, the manager told the guy no. but Matt "adopted" one of the ducks for me since he knows I already have two. when he walked into my house with a little whining duck in his hand it was the cutest thing ever. oh my God ... this one is so adorable and tiny. it sits right in the palm of my hand. we can't really tell if it's a boy or a girl at this point but that's okay! it's completely yellow and has this little fuzzy fro thing going on. when Mandy saw the baby duck last night she was so excited, so I told her that I'd let her name it as long as she didn't tell mom or dad. I'm not too sure they'll let me keep it because I already have two, so I'm hiding it until I can ... think of a plan? yeah. it hasn't been too hard so far since they've been out shopping all day with my aunt and uncle, but I'm sure that won't last long because tonight they'll hear it's loudass cry. ah. Matt and I drove up to Blockbuster to rent some movies and then ordered chinese food. my sister ate and stayed up to watch half of Orange County and then fell asleep, yessss! I was so happy that I could spend some time with him though, I love him so much. I know he's done some shitty things to me and we've had a lot of fights and he's made me cry but I love him a lot. last night we fell asleep at around eleven thirty ... pretty early since he was so tired. I EVEN LEFT AN OVERNIGHT AWAY MESSAGE because I'm just so cool. I expected my parents to be home at 9AM, so I kicked Matt out at eight thirty this morning. I felt so bad because as soon as he left, my parents called saying that they'd be home late in the afternoon because they were going out to brunch and then shopping with my aunt and uncle. THANKS ALOT. and as for tonight? (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 16th, 2003
12:30 pm	God. I was so nervous going to the game Friday night knowing I was meeting up with Brandon. before the game started Melanie and I called him on my cell asking where he was so we could meet up, but I had gotten there late and Coach wanted us to start warming up. THE LAST GAME OF THE SEASON. THANK YOU G-ZUS. anyway though. he wanted me to go sit on their side (the "away" side for us) but I told him I couldn't because I had to cheer. I forgot that eighth grade was when I first started cheerleading so he didn't know that. after the game we met up on the track and he met some of my friends, and one of the first things he said was "you filled out!" which offended me at first, but then I remembered that the last time he saw me I had anorexia, was depressed and was going through so much shit with my family. blahhh. I remember Brandon's hair used to be sandy blonde, short and spikey ... and now it's all shaggy, and dirty blonde with these little curls on the ends and God I want to fucking tap that @$# AND OH YEAH. before the game started, Melanie stuck a PAD ON THE SIDE OF MY CHEERLEADING SKIRT FOR KICKS. I was cheering the whole game with a pad stuck to me!@ and everyone knew but thought it was too funny so no one told me. FUCK YOU MELANIE. then it started raining ... a lot. Brandon came with his three friends Jordan, Cassie, and Shawn so we split up into the two cars and decided to meet up somewhere to smoke a few bowls. I felt retarded being in my stupid cheer uniform so I just changed in the backseat of Brandons car since I'm a ho like that. str8 up. we ended up at a construction site ... a big neighborhood where new houses are being built. there aren't any houses there - yet. they pretty much just plowed over everything leaving huge piles of Georgia red clay. so we ended up mud wrestling. since it's been raining a lot the past few weeks the huge (I mean dude, I had to climb to get to the top and kept slipping down) mud piles don't get a chance to dry so they stay wet. at first I really didn't I didnt want to, but Jordan and Brandon were all "doo it MARIAH DOO IT." AND THAT IS PEER PRESSURE OK. Melanie being the super-hizzho she is took off like everything except her bra and undies, but Brandon said I could take off my shirt and wear his so mine wouldn't get dirty. so I did. I got so fucking dirty I don't think this mud will ever come out of my hair or my jeans. we had retarded relays to see who could get to the top of the mud mound first and who could slide back down the fastest. as Jordan said, "DUDE I THINK THERE'S MUD IN MY CRACK." Brandon dared Cassie to jump in the nearby lake for $20 and she did. and he didn't even have $20. but eventually Jordan, Shawn, Brandon and Melanie jumped in for kicks too. I didn't want to get in. I was already cold as hell, and since it was dark there was no telling what was in the water. but Jordan and Brandon got out and eventually carried me in by my waist and legs. the water was freezing, and when we got out we smelled shitty, but we were hungry (munchies), so after we showered at Jordans house (his parents are out of town) we went to the grocery store and then a gas station. we walked into both looking like homeless fucks wearing Jordan's clothes ... tee shirts and boxers. I HAD NO BRA MMK. but I refused to wear a muddy one under clean clothes. so yes, headlights ;( none of us had any money on us, so Shawn told Cassie and I to flirt with the middle eastern cashier as a "distraction." Jordan, Shawn and Brandon ended up steaing a lot of candy and shit but I didn't have anything to do with that BESIDES BEING THE DISTRACTION OKAY. I already have a shoplifting record. we also took plastic grocery bags and lined the cars with them so they wouldn't be as gross. and then we went skating. yes, I got to show off mah "skillz." #@ aka the genuine art of busting your ASS. no. seriously. I really do have two big bruises on my ass. or my "bubble butt" as Brandon would say. after that we went back to Jordan's house (again) just because. Melanie and Jordan ended up hooking up ... so cute. since her and Joey broke up two weeks ago and all. Brandon and I talked ... a lot. I forgot how much fun just being with him is. he hasn't changed. but I have. he was all "so Mariah are you still obsessed with *N sync!" stfu that was back in the day okay bitches. but he also said that I was "so fuckin cute" which made me happy. him and his friends are so much fun ... but God I can't help feeling guilty since I have Matt and everything but I can have guy friends right? my mom called my cellphone at around twelve wondering when I'd be home so it was pretty much time for me and Melanie to leave. I got home at around one something, and my mom was already in bed so I didn't get in trouble for being half an hour late. I'm glad she was alseep because I didn't want her to see what Melanie and I were wearing - just tee shirts ahah. well our other clothes were dirty/muddy. and she would wonder about that too. Melanie ended up spending the night. so Christian her and I just stayed up watching movies and baking and doing stupid shit. when I got in though Christian was on my computer talking on AIM ... I got so scared because all of my recently visited websites (including this journal) are in the drop-down list, and I write so much about her in here. if she ever read this I would hate myself so much. Saturday morning Melanie went home. that afternoon I went shopping with my mom, my little sister Mandy and Christian to buy some birthday gifts for my dad. that didn't go so well. instead, we ended up just shopping for ourselves. stfu we're women OK. xxx blue billabong hoodie xxx candy cane striped polo in red&grey xxx red wool sweater xxx navy peasant top xxx tan courdoroy embroidered pants xxx red striped sash to match my new sweater Abercrombie and PacSun are my two favorite stores. as you can probably tell. I got three new beanies even though my dad says they make me look homeless! I don't care, that's all I wear ... and I mean come on. you don't even have to do your hair! it's great. I also got a dark denim tilt purse that looks like a pair of jean pockets on the front. and aren't these the cutest shoes?! well Matt said they'd make me look like a first grader but shutup. I really want blue laces for my Vans, since they're white and blue, but I couldn't find any. white is boring. my mom actually bought Christian a few tops too ... and that's when I realized that this is like her having four kids now. I'm actually surprised she doesn't mind as much as I thought she would. things have been different around here. my mom and dad haven't fought in what seems like so long. I don't know if it's because Christian is staying with us and they don't want her getting the wrong impression, or if it's just because. I don't know, but I like it. Saturday night I finally saw The Ring with Tara, Nicole, Cody and David. YES I AM LATE. it wasn't really scary, just weird and creepy. I couldn't stay out late since I haven't been "keeping my room clean." psh. well anyway. I've been meaning to upload these pictures for awhile, but never got around to it really. so here's a few. ( (in the car) ) pictures I took in the backseat of Nicole's car on the way to Tara's house. then at Wendy's! ( (cody and me!) ) Cody and me yeahh. this was about a month ago when Nicole and I spent the night at Tara's house and drank too much. we snuck out to go swimming with him and David when Tara was obsessed with him!@# my hair had just dried, so that's why it looks all knotty. my face looks so pale because of the flash from my camera, when in reality my face is almost the color of my legs. oh well. my lollipop is seductive, I know!@ ( (fall weather) ) these were taken at Melanie's in her neighborhood. since it's fall and the leaves are so pretty :) pink-trash.org finally closed. which means no more of this. well it's not like it's been updated in awhile anyways. thank you so much for hosting me though nikki!@ I LOVE YOU. I've been thinking I kind of want a small website again. or at least something to store my images on. but I don't have a host anymore. and who would want to host me anyways. I want black tips on my hair!# but the urge will soon pass, and my mom would disown me. but anyway, the end. (Comment on this)
1:24 am	Melanie: did you not trust me? what did you think I would have said? okay so maybe I might not have known what to say, but I could have hugged you. asked if you were okay. I know that I haven't dealt with losing anyone close to me, especially not a parent ... but why did you have to hide it from me? you're one of my best friends and I care about you a lot, but why did I have to find out from somebody else? I'm always here for you and I care. I want you to know that. always -- Mariah a lot is going on. but I haven't been home much these past couple of nights. updates ... soon? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
12:22 pm	I wish I could re-wind last night. you know, just have had different plans. maybe then nothing would have happened. then again it's not my fault, I shouldn't be the one wishing. besides, deep down inside everyone knows wishes don't come true. I've cried so much today. I'm just so fucking hurt. it's falling apart and I don't want it to. I can't take it. I need to get some guts sometime soon. I just hope I'm doing the right thing, because my heart says it's wrong. but I guess sometimes to do what's right for yourself you need to feel with your mind, and not your heart. I don't know what else to say. I'll explain sometime. God, and now I'm crying again. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 7th, 2003
11:41 am	Saturday I got to Melanie's around 5PM. we hung around and waited for Kelly and Meara. when they arrived we piled into Melanie's car and did fifteen over the speed limit to the piercing place because we were late for the appointment. uhh yeah so I held Melanie's hand while she got her bellybutton pierced and she almost BROKE IT. it looks cute, but she has to hide it from her mom. I wonder how long that'll last. Kelly got her nose pierced, it was disgusting when the needle was just sitting in her nose though. it actually looks good, but her acting teacher won't like it so she's freaking out. it took forever to drive out to Woodstock, we got fucking lost stfu. we had dinner at Applebee's on the way back. when we got back around here we walked around the Avenue and went shopping. I didn't have alot of money: I bought three stretchy tanks and a whispy skirt. back at Melanie's we laid around and called people over. Aubrey (her sister) was being annoying and kept nagging Melanie for breaking the 'house rules' and shit. they got into a fight and Aubrey had this mini breakdown, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry so I just sat there. she's gotten so weird since their dad died. it's fucked up, she gets random breakdowns over nothing. BUT YEAH. Tyler, Peary and Logan stopped by first, then Brynn. Matt, Travis, Ryan and Steven came by later. I got the alcohol I brought over from my car and we sat around, watching TV and drinking. I know I said I wouldn't drink but I did. not a lot though. it was the first time Matt and I got to talk since our stupid fight. for my "punishment" he bought a huge slice of chocolate cake over and made me eat it. AND I DID. I'm so glad he cares about mee. it was cute, I couldn't tell him how cute it was because my voice was still gone. I couldn't talk at all. we sat on the trampoline in the backyard and he spoon fed me. I couldn't do anything but smile. then afterwards he leaned over to kiss me, but I pushed him away because I'm still sick and all. I gave him a look like '?' and he said, "like I actually care." so we kissed, then made out on the trampoline for awhile. we didn't think anybody would come outside. my tank top ended up coming off, but it was dark so I didn't care. after that he un-did my jeans, but I didn't let him do anything else because we were outside. I remember hearing the sliding glass door open but not paying attention. until we heard everyone laughing five minutes later and saw Travis behind us with his fucking CAMCORDER. he'd gotten almost everything on tape. Matt jumped off the trampoline and ran him down and Peary ganked my tank top before I could grab it. I was laughing and chasing him around the backyard and STREET. thanks to Smirnoff Ice, I tripped twice and it was ALL CAUGHT ON TAPE. not to mention Melanie took numerous pictures (that probably won't come out because it was dark). I WAS RUNNING AROUND MELANIE'S NEIGHBORHOOD STREETS IN A BRA AND JEANS. I couldn't even scream because I had no voice. at the time I was annoyed and embarassed because my bra was sheer but oh jesus it was hilarious. I'm always getting harassed ;( there is so much shit Travis has on tape, he says at the end of senior year he's going to put it all together as a movie of memories. do you know how old some of those videos are? some of them even date back to when I had short hair, kids. after I got my fucking top back we all hung out in the backyard and played around on the trampoline and tire swing. before that I'd chugged some rum and coke and wow do you know how fun much spinning drunk on a tire swing is? Logan and Peary spun Melanie and I until we were so fucking sick. literally though, I'm still recovering and I couldn't keep from spitting up. some of it got on Peary's shoes. SERVES HIM RIGHT THOUGH. later Melanie and Brynn drove to Blockbuster and brought Swimfan back. I wanted to watch it but I didn't, I fell asleep on the pull-out couch. only half asleep though, because Matt kept rubbing me and giving me light kisses which kept me up. hmm. Melanie and Tyler are so cute together. he's a good guy for her, in our past conversations he talked about how he wants to wait until he's married to have sex and that's not common among most of my guy friends who are all HEY BABY LEMME TAP DAT. I think his decision is partly because of Peary though. because I mean, one of his best friends got a girl pregnant and it's been hard for him soo. the guys left around 2AM because Melanie's mom gets home at 3AM. we're smooth like that. after that I passed out. I got home yesterday around 11AM. DAYLIGHTS SAVINGS TIME IS HOMO. my mom was mad because my voice was even worse than before I left. she said I should have stayed home. maybe if I didn't try screaming so much that night. when I tried talking, I coughed until I gagged. it hurts ;[ AND SHUTUP LISA I DO NOT HAVE SARS. uhh yesterday. I went to a baseball game with Matt, my parents and sister. Atlanta Braves against the Mariners. my dad bought the tickets, mainly for Matt. yeahh. it's cute to see him and my dad get so into it together. I'm glad some of us were into it because I was just interested in getting tan and watching guys' asses in baseball uniforms. Matt looks hotter in his uniform though. oh yes he does. I still didn't have much of a voice, it was so raspy and pathetic. after the game we went out to lunch together and I'm so glad my mom finally trusts me again around. . .guys. well Matt I mean. last Christmas she had the hardest time believing me when I was actually telling her the truth about me. it upset me to know she actually suspected things that weren't true. yeah that's another story. when we got home Matt stayed for an hour, then he had practice. it's retarded that the baseball team doesn't get a spring break. Melanie came over later. we hung around, then drove to the mall to look for swimsuits. we tried on almost everything, I'm really picky when it comes to bikinis. I need to look hot damn it. I got this and this. I like the colors on me since I finally have some color. mmk anyways? Logan and Peary came by my house around 12AM last night. they were so high and desperate for food since they didn't have any money, it was so great. they came in and I made them turkey sandwiches and they ate all my goldfish crackers ;( it's annoying when my brother's girlfriend spends the night here every weekend. she's been here three days so far. I don't understand why my brother can spend the night at her house, and vice-versa, but I can't spend the night at Matt's and he can't really spend the night here. grr. my mom took the week off from work so my sister wouldn't be home alone during spring break and to keep my grandparents company. my mom made me to stay home and rest today, I've had a migraine since last night. ugghh. tonight I'm going to Chase's party but I really don't want to. I don't feel like getting trashed, having a hangover on top of being sick, getting in trouble if something happens, and most of all. . .I don't feel like seeing Hank or any of his stupid friends. maybe my last reason is the main reason. but I'm going anyways. at least Matt will be there. afterwards I'm going to Meara's and spending the night with Melanie and Kelly. maybe Brynn. I'VE ADOPTED HER. we've gotten closer because of soccer. yeah and tomorrow I'm going to Six Flags with a big group of friends if it doesn't rain. which it probably will. it's so dreary out. umm I'm about to make an Oreo cake for Matt. I OWN. that is all. (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 5th, 2003
11:40 am	SPRING BREAK $#@ finally. and it's so nice out. 75° I think. last night I did nothing. I slept a lot. well I went to the doctor. it felt like I was there forever. I went in my favorite pink my little pony tee-shirt, PLAID PJ BOTTOMS, toe socks that didn't match and Birkenstocks. yes kids, Birkenstocks. it should have been against the law. oh and my hair was in pigtails. dude before the doctors we went to the grocery store and I got so many fucking stares. hey, if I feel like shit don't I have the right to look like shit? well yeah, my mom took me to the doctor because I still had a fever and she wanted to be sure that I definitely had the flu. and I do. this week I've had all the symptoms ... for the first two days a headache, dry cough and chills. then bodyaches, a fever and now I have the stuffy nose and sore throat part of it. how fucking sexy. at least it means the worst part is over. my mom wouldn't let me go out last night because I needed to "recuperate" in order to get better. not like I felt good enough to do anything anyways. so I sat home, humping my box of kleenex and watching girly movies with Mandy. apparently Matt and Kelly called for me, but I was asleep. after being sick for four days I'm feeling a little better. except now I'm losing my voice. it's a raspy, pathetic squeak. it's just about gone. it got like this overnight and it's so annoying because I am usually LOUD. my brother keeps taking advantage of me, he's all "okay Mariah if you're secretly a lesbian don't say anything." and I tried saying "you fucker." but nothing came out ;( I SLAPPED HIM TOO. I just noticed that I haven't really eaten in three days. I don't have an appetite and the only reason I tried eating at the mall yesterday was because of weed ... munchies. and I ended up puking it up anyway. but today my mom is making me eat. she made me sit at the table and finish a bowl of soup this morning. yeah. hmm. I'm listening to one of "our" songs. meaning Matt and I. he sings this to me on his guitar all the time. it makes me happy listening to Coldplay sing it, although I like the way he sings it to me more. later on Melanie is getting her bellybutton done and Kelly thinks she wants her nose pierced. SO MEARA AND I ARE COMING ALONG FOR SUPPORT. I want to see Melanie get her bellybutton pierced so I can see what it looked like when I got mine done. we're driving up to a place in Woodstock where you don't need to be eighteen or have any sort of ID to get anything done. obviously, the guy does it illegally. yeah. and since Melanie's mom doesn't want her to get it done, she has to do it this way. Kelly is trying to persuade me into getting my nose pierced with her. CAN I GET A HELL NO? maybe if I liked my nose. but I don't. and just. no. I already have my bellybutton, cartiledge, and ears pierced twice. I can't think of anything else I'd want done. besides a tattoo. which I won't be getting anytime soon. but yeah, this will be interesting. I hope my mom thinks I'm feeling well enough to let me go. if I do go with them, we're probably going up to Woodstock so they can get their piercings, out to eat, then back to Melanie's to hang out and spend the night. her mom is working a really late shift at the hospital, so we'll probably have people over late. including Matt :) I haven't talked to him since our fight and I don't care anymore, I just want to make up. I NEED SOME LOVE. but don't worry kids, not a lot of that will be happening because if we kiss or do anything I'll only spread my flu germs. it's so fucking tempting ;( oh and I have so much alcohol left over from the party I had at my house two weeks ago, so I'm bringing some of that. not for me though, it'll make me sick. I just hate keeping it all in my room, I'M SO PARANOID. tonight will be fun, just my close girl and guy friends together and stuff. I'm getting ready to go wash my car. the pollen stuck on it is fucking nasty, I can barely see out of my windshield. I WANT MY VOICE BACK. yeah and I need to stop updating so much. (Comment on this)
Friday, April 4th, 2003
11:38 am	I felt like shit when I woke up this morning and barely made it to the bathroom in enough time to puke. I can't believe I went in to school. I left half of my math test blank in first period. I obviously failed. that really helps my average of 62%, huh? I'm so smart. after second period I decided to skip with Melanie and Brynn. again. and we got caught. again. two days in a row. HOW FUCKING GREAT. our school's fucking rent-a-cop called my mom at work and told her I skipped. she got on me when she got home, but wasn't too mad. she doesn't know about me skipping yesterday though. soon she will though, and I'm sure that won't go over so well. when we get back from spring break next monday Melanie and I are going to have two days of in-school suspension. Brynn is going to have one ... only because she wasn't with us yesterday when we skipped. I've never had ISS before and the main reason it sucks ass is because I can't really afford to miss my classes right now. fuck me. after we left school we went to Chick-fil-A (I didn't eat anything) and then to the park. it was too hot today. almost eighty fucking degrees and I wore pajamas to school. well a little tee-shirt, flannel bottoms and flip-flops but whatever. I was being stupid and got on the tire swing, which made me incredibly nauseous. I threw up everywhere on the playground, while Melanie held my hand. THAT'S A TRUE BEST FRIEND BITCHES. we waited on the swings for Tyler and Logan to meet up with us. it was only about thirty minutes. when they did, we smoked two bowls and then went to the mall. I shouldn't have smoked, I got really bad munchies which resulted in me buying a smoothie and pretzel bites that I couldn't keep down. I had to throw up in a trash can at the mall. well it was either that or the floor mmk. afterwards so many people looked at me as if I was that one kid from first grade with the snot nose and lazy eye. not cool. that's when I finally decided I needed to go home. plus, my allergies are so bad because the pollen count is so high. my car is covered in pollen, it's so fucking gross. I need to hose it down. I've had a headache all day, plus my fever is going up again. I hate this. Matt has a baseball game tonight, so I won't be seeing him. today in school we didn't talk about anything from last night. he said we needed to "talk" later on though. I hope that's a good thing? Meara and Kelly are in the school's musical, Will Rogers Follies, and I promised them I'd go see it sometime this week. I kept putting it off and now I feel really bad because tonight is the last night and I'm too fucking weak to go see it. I think I'm going to go take a nap. my spring break is starting off just greeeat. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
11:37 am	so I now know that I have the flu. and I'm also about to puke. isn't that great? yeah well. earlier Matt came over before he had to go to work. by that time I had a fever of 102.44 and felt really shitty. . .so we just laid around in my room. we didn't kiss or anything because I don't want to get him sick. I was laying down and he gave me a foot/leg massage though and God it felt so good, I almost fell asleep. but then I got up to go downstairs to check on the cookies my mom was baking for us, they smelled like they were burning. when I got back upstairs I started messing around with him, kissing his neck and stuff but he kept telling me to stop and he seemed annoyed. I could tell he was mad at me but he wouldn't tell me why. and then he randomly said something like "do you seriously think you're fat?" and I said no. and when I asked why, he said "no reason." and I told him it was bullshit. I knew he'd looked through my stuff. I don't know why, but I flipped out. we got into a big fight about me taking those diet pills and it's so stupid. I know that they're bad for you in general, but why is it such a big deal? it's my body. it's not like I don't eat. I'm a lot better off than I used to be. and plus I stopped taking them, yet he won't believe me. it's ironic, my previous entry is about me not taking them anymore. besides it's only been a few weeks, my God. we've fought about this before, I remember last summer he made me promise I wouldn't do anything like what I did last summer (ehh long story.) again. and I promised. and broke it. so of course now he's mad at me. I asked why he went through my things and he said that he just went through my bag looking for aspirin for his headache and I think I said something like "I DON'T CARE. if you're going to go through my fucking stuff then at least pretend like you didn't find anything." and then I got really mad because he said I was overreacting and blaming the fact that I'm taking those pills on him going through my things. which I now realize is true. since when do I care that he goes through my purse? I never care. I'm just sensitive when it comes to that topic and just. . .I don't know. I feel bad that I broke our promise. but I still don't see why it's such a big deal. needless to say, after that he didn't stay at my house for long. earlier I called Matt to apologize and to just TALK but he won't answer his cellphone. he always does that when he's mad because he knows it bothers me. I hate this. I hate when we fight. and I hate when he's right. I also called Melanie, but she said she was on the other line with Tyler and then promised she'd call me back. it's been an hour and she still hasn't. I'm not used to Melanie having a boyfriend. and I don't like it. yes I am selfish. I don't know if I'm going to school tomorrow. I have a lot of tests I need to take, but I just feel so bad. I don't know. I haven't been this sick in so long. I'm not in a good mood. I feel like crying. (Comment on this)
11:36 am	man. I'm so sick. I hate this. last night I couldn't sleep, I felt so bad. my stomach is doing fucking flips as I type this. this morning I debated on whether or not I should go to school, but decided to. only because I had tests up the ass today and spring break starts this weekend. yeah. I don't know if I'm starting to get what Matt had or what. last week he had a 72 hour stomach virus and I wouldn't be surprised if I caught that because well. um. yeah. but he said his symptoms were different than mine. but God. I feel like shit, my mom is making me carry a bucket beside me all around the house just in case I need to puke. just in time for spring break this weekend, how fucking great. I guess it doesn't matter much anyway though, because I am doing JACKSHIT. two months ago Melanie, Meara, Kelly and I started making plans to go to the Bahamas. that didn't work out because Melanie can't afford it right now and plus we'd need a chaperone that'd let us do our own thing. get drunk, meet people, tan, run around with all of the native boys. YOU KNOW, WHAT GIRLS DO ON SPRING BREAK. another reason going to the Bahamas would be awesome is because the drinking age is only eighteen and besides, no one there gives a shit. plus Meara has a fake ID. then for awhile (until last week) I thought I'd be going to Panama City with a big group of friends but that didn't work out. I'm really pissed off about that. I was really looking forward to it. I even went on a stupid diet that I don't even need for spring break, and now I'm not even going anywhere. I'm going to stop taking those diet pills because all they have really done is made me sick. yesterday while I was in Savannah with my family my heart kept skipping beats. I actually held my hand to my chest and didn't feel my heart for ... well. too long. then it was the opposite. my heart started beating incredibly fast and I could barely breathe. and holy shit, I was honestly scared. first off, on the bottle it says that anemic people shouldn't take it. I am stupid. it also says any side effects affecting the heart are dangerous and are signs a person should stop taking Xenadrine. so I'm going to. although I have lost a few pounds. but I don't care because I don't need to lose weight, I'm fine and I need to stop being so obsessive about my body. well today I skipped fourth period with Melanie because we had a substitute. the sub made everyone write down their names on a peice of paper for the rollcall. then when Melanie and I found out all we were doing for the period was a vocab sheet, we decided to just leave. go home. plus I didn't feel good. so we made up some bullshit excuse about why we had to leave and the sub bought it. or so we thought. well apparently at the end of the period, the substitute wrote down all the names of the people who said they needed to leave. and tomorrow when my teacher sees the note she's going to know our excuse was complete bullshit. damn substitute. we're going to get written up for skipping and going to get ISS after spring break. ISS is so fucking lame, what does sitting silently in a cubicle for the eight hours, while staring at a white wall, teach a kid? seriously. my mom is going to be pissed, especially because when she finds that out I'm going to have to tell her I have an F in that class too. yeah. today hasn't been a good day. Roxy just puked a hairball all over my bedspread. that makes me even more sick. but Matt's getting ready to come over for a little while before work. and that makes me happy :) we haven't hung out since prom. which was only last Saturday but shutup. and I'm not changing out of these booty shorts or this pink my little pony tee-shirt either. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
11:35 am	I didn't go to school today, like I said last night. YOU'RE JEALOUS. I spent the day in Savannah with my family, wee. well not my brother but yeah. I wanted Matt to come, but he had baseball afterschool. it was fun, TODAY WAS SUCH A NICE DAY. the reason we drove out there was to see our new beach house and to drop my grandparents off. they're staying in a hotel by the water until Sunday. we took three cars, since my grandparents would need one once we left. well the only reason I took my car was because I wanted to drive. just because. I drove my jeep with my grandma and sister in the passenger seats and my grandma was so amazed at her "little baby" driving. and scared. maybe it's because I swerve in and out of each lane whenever I change CDs or touch the radio. but shutup bitches, I AM A GOOD DRIVER. I can't believe I drove to Savannah by myself today. well I was following my parents' car but stfu. oh and our new beach house: << well, maybe. I love it, did you know that it comes fully furnished? OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T. it used to be a small Inn, but the old guy that owns it no longer wants to keep up with it since his wife passed away last summer. the colors inside are so fucking bright. but that's cool. I hope we get it. ohh yeah. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 1st, 2003
11:33 am	last week was so busy, but Saturday was my first PROM. I didn't know what to do with my hair. I straightened it and put it up in a ponytail, but wrapped my hair around the hair tie so it looked like my hair was holding it up. it was nice I guess, classy looking? I really liked my dress. the train got annoying though, people kept stepping on it so I had to hold it up all night. it looked really nice for pictures though. Matt really liked my dress too. HE LOOKED SO CUTE. he got a silver vest to match me. he and his parents came over and we took tons of pictures. first by the lake in my neighborhood, then around my house: on the banister, by the pool, gazebo, living room, fireplace. when he saw me he said, "damn, you look hot as fuck." RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DAD. the look on my daddy's face was priceless. I couldn't pin his bouitennier on, IT WAS SO HARD SHUT UP. after pictures at my house we drove to Marietta Square. everyone agreed to meet there since it'd make a pretty background and because we also wanted group pictures. it wasn't just people I'm close with though, but also the people that were riding with us. everyone looked really good ... and Peary. God, Peary. dude he went to a costume shop and bought a red colonial styled army general outfit. it was so cute. AND PIMP. I love that kid. when he saw me he whispered, "you look really pretty." I don't know why it made me happy, but it did. we stayed at the Square until our ride came and holy shit, it was so pimped out. we got a double decker disco party bus and it HAD A REAL STRIPPING POLE IN THE MIDDLE. there were so many strobe lights, it was trippy. I wanted a limo, but I also wanted to be with a lot of my friends so yeah. our driver was on drugs though. dude on our way to dinner before prom he backed into a tree and the back windows were totally busted out. he was all "ooh that's not supposed to happen." BUT KEPT GOING. I'd have to say at that point we were all worried. the whole ride to the restaurant everyone started getting their drink on. I had straight vodka in one waterbottle with a bottle of orange juice in the other to cover up the taste. it was on an empty stomach too, so it hit me really fast. we had dinner at Dante's. it's cruise themed, you're supposed to feel like you're on a ship. there was half a fucking ship on water inside, plus four different levels and booths. HOW HOT IS THAT? oh yeah, it's a fondue restaurant. DO YOU KNOW WHAT FONDUE IS? BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T. dude it was cool as hell. they give you a plate of prepared, un-cooked meat and little boilers/fondue forks on your table so you cook your food yourself. then they have cups of different dipping sauces for your cooked pieces. IT WAS SO COOL. Matt and I shared a Mandarin dish that came with shrimp, pork, beef, chicken, mushrooms and squash. I only ate the shrimp, mushrooms and chicken though. I still feel bad about eating the chicken ;( I'M SUCH A BAD VEGETARIAN. dude a little tomato came with our dish and I tried frying it but IT FUCKING EXPLODED. literally. our gay Bulgarian waiter was pissed because he said he warned us and whatever. but wtf okay, was I supposed to actually be listening during instruction? in the middle of dinner Kelly, Meara and I went downstairs and got high. we didn't even have to sneak it, there was a smoking section in front of the bathrooms and we had joints. we got so stoned, I was all "WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE? SHIT." and everyone kept saying "the restaurant." but I was like WHAT FUCKING RESTAURANT? I got the munchies so bad too, I ate all of the free bread plus two bowls of icecream. prom was at the Atlanta History Center in Buckhead, so after dinner it didn't take long to get there. it was enough time for me and everyone else to get their drink on though. prom did not start until our bus got there. I swear, we had so many people on our bus, we were 40% of prom. there was a flight of stairs inside leading up the main prom area and holy shit I was struggling. I tripped four times. it's embarassing because teachers and school administrators monitor. I took my shoes off, pulled my skirt up and got my grind on with Matt for most of the time, but I danced like a hizzo with everyone though. at one point the guys laid on the floor and the girls danced over them. IT WAS SO HOT. I love my school, I think we're the only one around here that plays nothing but rap at prom. dude I was getting my freak on with Logan and I swear to GOD he got a boner. I was doing that thing where you shake it, bend over and touch the ground while the guy holds onto you, and then you come back up. THAT'S WHEN I FELT IT. I was mouthing "LOGAN HAS A BONER." to Melanie from across the room but she was like "WHAT?! WHAT DOES HE HAVE?" I kept feeling it when we were dancing and didn't want to say anything, but I about died. it was sticking me okay? I couldn't even turn around to face him because his boner would be sticking me in the front and I knew I'd look down and start cracking up. now whenever I hear "Bombs over Baghdad" by Outkast I'm going to think about Logan and his hard-on RUBBING AGAINST MY ASS. dfsfdsagf. after prom our driver drove us to Travis' lake house. on the way there we blasted music and everyone took a turn working the stripping pole while our hippie driver got us lost in downtown. we were lost for thirty minutes. on my turn at the pole I was working these skills you wish you had, but the driver suddenly completely stopped the bus and I flew to the front. like I literally flew to the front of the fucking bus and hit the front wall. I'm surprised I didn't rip my dress. we had fun being lost in Atlanta though. the girls pulled up the shades on the windows, flashed random cars and watched peoples expressions. it was funny, this one old guy gave me a THUMBS UP. who da boss? MARIAH IS. good times. when we finally got to the lake house it was around 1AM. Travis' parents were waiting for us, it was obvious we were all trashed. they didn't care though. we got inside, ate and changed. it was fun, we went walking out back into the woods trying to scare the shit out of each other by telling stupid stories. everyone was telling ghost/murder stories but leave it up to Peary to say something retarded. he told some story about our women soldiers getting raped by Iraqi men if their planes crashed or something and he was all "yeah in the middle of the sex the Iraqi's would be like SAY MY NAME THE CORRECT WAY BITCH: ABDULAPHEIM SHAYIKROSMA AL-SHAMA BABEL EL SAMA FAREE DAT WEEDAD YAFAN." it was great, the accent gave it that special touch you know. he was too drunk to care about who saw what ... took almost everything off, ran around and dove into the water from the dock. I couldn't believe it, the water must have been so fucking cold. we were all laughing and waiting for him to come up, but he didn't for the longest time. everyone started freaking out. we thought he'd drowned or hit something. so we ran onto the dock and started looking around. we looked for five minutes and started panicing, but just then Peary popped up from under the dock and dragged Meara in with all of her clothes on. she was closest to the edge. it was hilarious, we were all screaming and flipping out. we started playing on the rope swing, hanging from a tree near the dock. I got brave and both Melanie and I swung at the same time, then we had a little fight match BUT I WON. it was so much fun; swinging out as far as you could get the rope, letting go and falling into the water. later we played "King" on the dock, where you fight to push everyone off, and the last one standing is obviously king. and each time you get pushed in, you have to take something off. Brynn and Steven gangbanged me though, so dude I lost multiple times. STFU IT'S HARD WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK. once I got my shirt/pants off, I sat on the dock trying to get used to the water before jumping in again but JOEY AND MELANIE FUCKING PUSHED ME. and obviously, since only one person can win the game, we all ended up skinny dipping. I don't think I've laughed that much in a long time. when I was messing around with Matt he kept brushing up against my legs, with a leaf underwater, to make me think something underwater was touching me. it worked everytime too ;( I KEPT HAVING SPASMS. okay and when I got out and went looking for my clothes, I could only find my pants because Peary, Joey and Logan hid everyone's stuff in different spots in the woods. BUT FORGOT WHERE. I found my soffe shorts though. hmm. I don't think I'll ever forget Matt telling me that he loved me that night. it made me so happy. we were sitting on the dock and I don't know, it's just one of those things I'll always remember. I love him a lot. I don't think anyone understands that I really do love him, it's not just a crush. it's so annoying when girls just meet a guy and start liking them, then three weeks later claim that they love them. umm that's not love you fucking dipshit. that's right, knowing their full name, class schedule, birthday, favorite color and where they work doesn't equal love. sorry to break it to you. well yeah, I don't think we all got back to the house until 3AM. of course I couldn't find the tee I took off because of Peary and Logan, so I put on Matt's button-up shirt. he said I looked sexier in it than he does, so don't hate bitches. we all had a race back to the cabin, and even though Matt and I "got lost" for awhile, WE STILL MADE IT IN 9TH PLACE. WHAT WHAT. everyone made it back except Tyler and Melanie. THE NEW COUPLE. no surprise there. back inside we cranked up the heat and took turns taking showers. I was so fucking cold. and by the time I got in, there was no hot water left. GO FIGURE. so I got out and waited. then during my new shower Matt got in with me @^$# HE IS SO HOT. we made fun of each others tanlines. it was fuuun. dude except he pissed on me in the shower. WHO DOES THAT? and then while he was washing my hair he got shampoo in my eye ;( BUT THAT'S OKAY. we practically had dry (wet?) sex on the shower floor, it was an interesting experience. well, as dry as you can get in a shower. I think the only reason we got out was because the shower was flooding and the hot water was running out. wow I'm giving too many details. let's just say we had too much fun. sometimes it scares me how comfortable I feel around him. we did karaoke, laid around, drank more than we should have, and ate. I had vanilla vodka and cream soda. I was so trashed, I did karaoke to some Shakira songs and was told I sucked ass but blow me. dude Travis has it on videotape too shlf.d.,/s afterawhile I fell asleep on top of Matt underneath a blanket on the floor. he kept trying to keep me steady on top of him because I kept bouncing, laughing and rolling all over the floor like a special-ed kid. but around 4AM Mrs. Parker came in and told everyone that guys had to sleep in one room, and girls in another. at that point I didn't really care, I was too tired. I was just so warm with Matt, I didn't feel like getting up. Travis' mom had to tell me three times. I slept with Kelly on top of the bunkbeds in another room. it was hell trying to get up there too, I HIT MY HEAD. nobody really woke up until 1AM the next day. and as usual, when I woke up, Kelly was on top of me breathing like Darth Vader. so many people had hangovers and there were only three bathrooms so that sucked. Melanie puked in the kitchen sink. I was so sick, man I was humping that basement toilet like I wanted sex. Travis' parents made us a huge breakfast, holy shit. I inhaled three plates. uhh what else. my thighs are still sore from dancing and I have scratches in the most awkward places. it's so embarassing when people tell me things I did/said while I was trashed that I don't even remember. yeah hmm. I didn't get home until around 4PM sunday. weird, I wrote a lot about prom but I actually don't remember much. for obvious reasons. but duuude. that's the most fun I've had in awhile. TOMORROW I'M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL. I'm spending the day with my family in Savannah to see our new (soon to be) beach house. and to drop my grandparents off. yes, my grandparents are still here. I don't mind though. they're spending the weekend in a hotel by the water. I will take pictures. yes. maybe (hopefully) Matt can come. (Comment on this)